This post may be removed from the original thread, as the host pointed out the individual I responded to was kind of “thread-jacking,” so I welcomed Dalrock to delete it.
Jeff, you asked for a lady’s input, which can be dangerous in the sphere. 😛 Not that we’re all intentionally trying to mislead (though there are plenty of those) but even the few of us that have honestly tried to “get it,” some things still elude us. What’s more, as Rollo has posted in a few different articles, a lot of women’s behavior operates on a primal, limbic level, so we’re not always very aware of WHY we’re reacting as we are, just that we are. Likewise, we may know how we OUGHT to react, but feel drastically otherwise, with no good idea why. Case in point: most of us know we “ought” to like the good guy, we sure SAY we like the good guy, but we can’t help feeling attracted to the jerk.
With that as a disclaimer, my take on this:
<I>Would my wife really like me to just take her upstairs and have fun? Should I care how long I have fun with her or just dominate and be done go about my day?
I tried this in the past and she did not reject, but she did use it against me like saying I should be nicer because I’m getting it any time I want.
I am just having a mental block thinking taking her and after 3 minutes of “using” her is ok.</I>
Almost certainly. yes she would like that. She may kick up a fuss, give you the “anti-slut defense”, and do “the lady doth protest too much” routine, but as long as you maintain frame, then yes. How long? I’m not equipped to give a good answer, except that the more you display a dominant attitude, the more she will crave you, and the less time it is likely to take her to be, ahem, satisfied. So, probably no need to worry about that for a while. If you’re having trouble feeling “ok” then throw her a bone once in a while, but make SURE you maintain frame – maybe tease that she’s “earned it” or something… the guys will be better equipped to advise here…
Don’t worry about her “using it against you.” This is shit-testing. She’s adjusting to the new normal, figuring out what she can get away with it, and on some level, maybe a little dismayed at the power shift. We ladies can be very controlling, very manipulative (even if we aren’t doing so intentionally – and she may well be doing it intentionally) and it can be disconcerting to have the rug pulled out from under our feet. Nevertheless, we will be much happier if/when you can stand up to the plate and be in charge. Recognize that she is testing you, and though she will SAY she wants you to back off, in her heart of hearts, she craves your dominance.
If this is hard to swallow or internalize, think of it this way: no child LIKES to be disciplined, scolded, spanked. Nevertheless, proper discipline over time produces in the child a sense of worth, value, and lets them know they are loved so much that parents are willing to put up with the discomfort to protect them. Contrariwise, undisciplined children may be envied by other children for their freedom, but are more likely to be insecure, to fear their parents don’t really care, and to be unhappier overall. Women are very much the same. We will tell you we would rather have things our own way: like a child, we really think that we WOULD like things better our own way. We will nevertheless be happier if the man takes charge and quashes our shit tests.
And, we shit test like men stare at boobs. It just happens. Sometimes we know we are doing it, sometimes we don’t.
Hope this helps, hope the other gentleman here can clear up anything I inadvertently muddied.
* And as a side note, here is Dalrock’s response (which actually was posted before mine)
More comments would be helpful….
You are thread jacking here. Please stop.
With that said, I’ll indulge you a bit:
My question still stands. Is she going to balk when I take her and pin her down? Is this something real or is it something we “think” alpha men are suppose to do because we see Michael Douglas do it in a movie?
I may have missed a comment on another thread, but I doubt anyone seriously suggested this to you. My own advice was if she offers you sex to take her up on the offer without the modern nonsense that sufficient doses of “romance” are needed to “purify” marital sex. From what you have said, it sounds like your wife is somewhere between ambivalent to repelled by your attempts to make sex more tender, etc. What I and I believe others are saying is, stop doing that. If on the other hand a good dose of groveling romantic poetry and a reading of “she comes first” gets her engine running, then by all means do so.
Women like to be desired. They like to be possessed. If she finds you attractive she will want both from you. If she doesn’t find you attractive, drawing the process out will only creep her out for a longer time each time you have sex. If she liked what modern culture tells us she should like, you wouldn’t be here.
Dalrock always makes good points, and it would behoove this man and all men to tread somewhat carefully, lest she become <I>unhaaaaaappy</I> and sic the government on him first.